This is what Santa looks like jogging.

This weekend I am house/pet sitting at my aunt and uncle’s house. It’s a quiet little part of West Sacramento. Slightly in the country. I’ve jogged here with my Aunt Tammy several times.

Yesterday (friday night) was the first time that I have jogged in slightly over a week. I’ve done this before. Whenever I start up exercising after a “vacation” I feel like it’s going to be really tough on my body. But my body is super sneaky. Last night felt too easy. I jogged my two miles in 25 minutes. It’s like my body’s like, “Hey, Becky, this wasn’t hard. DO IT ALL THE TIME!” I suspect that tonight will be tough, though on me. 

I think I actually jogged a mile and half without having to stop to walk! But I’m a terrible judge of distances. When I jog and wear glasses I have to push them down my nose and look like Santa Claus. When I tried to wear them normally against my face they would move up and down while I jogged. It was like I was momentarily blind. Hence, Santa Claus style of wearing my glasses down at the bottom of my nose. I’m sure I looked ridiculous. But I like seeing.

I think I do better when I’m jogging alone then with another person. I’m a very contemplative person. It’s a good time to clear your thoughts. Especially out here in this countryside. I passed lots of fields. It was beautiful. I’ve noticed that when I jog with my Aunt Tammy I seem to do worse. I haven’t figured out yet why that is the case. 

Change of subject, I can’t imagine anything better then finding a perfect harmony to fit a song you’re listening to. 

I am not dead.

I am not dead. I have had four people remind me that I have not written recently. Thanks for looking at for me guys. Since people are reading this I know I have to do this!

Wow, I have not exercised in about a week. But I can honestly say it has not been because I didn’t feel like it. It’s been a pretty busy week. My cousin gave birth to her son, Boston James Clark. He’s so stinking cute and has a head full of black hair. My brothers were here over the weekend and I visited them and my grandmother in Nevada. I’m house/pet sitting my Aunt and Uncle’s house. 

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I do that from time to time. And I’ve discovered a flaw in my logic. I seem to be subconsciously  telling myself that when I lose X amount of weight THEN I’ll be attractive and I’ll love myself better. Loving myself seems to have conditions. But, what I need to do is love myself unconditionally now. The way I am today. I need to love myself with the cellulite. I need to love myself even if my skin is pasty white. I need to love myself even though my thighs touch, even though my hair is  curly. 

I’m not entirely sure how to do that. I’ve been told and I read somewhere that one ought to give themselves true compliments. I need to thank my body for taking me this far. I need to thank my legs for allowing me to walk. I need to thank my skin for not giving me skin cancer. I need to thank my hair for not receding yet. haha. 

How do you love yourself? 

This is what I have to say.

I’ve been mentally in a pretty crappy place this past week. Becky the bully is super mean to me. She keeps telling me that I’m wasting my time. I’m on my way to believing her.

But I think I know why I’m not making much progress. I keep convincing that all I need to do is jog my two miles every night and the 50 pounds will magically drop off. I think I’m delusional.

I work with a girl named Sukhi who has lost 30 pounds by doing this very strange diet where she has two days of drinking just milk and water and two days of eating just vegetables. She’s cut all carbohydrates from her diet. I think that’s incredibly extreme. But extreme seems to be the way to achieve weight loss, and I’m not sure that I’m willing to be severe in my daily diet.

Things I have changed: I don’t eat after 8 p.m. I know that It’s probably supposed to be after 6, but I used to ate late in to the night. I’m conscious when I eat…wait, I don’t mean that I’m awake when I eat…but of course I am, I mean to see that I am aware when I eat. I’m looking at portions and always asking myself if I’m full or just want it. Right now it seems to be working only half the time. I’ll tell myself that I deserve this extra helping. But, it’s a work in progress.

This past Monday I went jogging with my Aunt Tammy at her place. She can only do it right after work, which is about 6:00 p.m. It was pretty awful. It was so hot and the sun was beating down on me. She asked me before hand if I wanted to try for 2.5 miles instead of 2. Overexcited me said “2.5!” Ugh. That was not enjoyable. I jogged about a mile without stopping, but after that I was walking/jogging/walking/jogging. It took us about 40 minutes to do the 2.5 miles.

On Tuesday, I had no desire to do ANYTHING!

On Wednesday, my brothers came into California. They are visiting the West Coast for about 10 days. My brother Daniel said he wanted to go out and jog with me. We went out about 9:00. Ordinarily I wouldn’t jog that late, but I felt that since I had my bro with me, he would protect me from rapists. Hah. I felt like I was dragging him down with my pace and general out-of-shape-ness, but he really challenged me to keep going;. I jogged a mile, walked for about 4 minutes, and then pretty much jogged the rest of the second mile. He was super encouraging to me.

On Thursday, I ate dinner at 5:30. I thought for sure that it would be early enough for it to be digested in time to go jogging at 8:30. But, I think it was such a heavy meal, that I still felt super full. Jogging on a full stomach gives me cramps. So I didn’t jog tonight. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to jog until Sunday. I’m going to Nevada this weekend to visit my grandma. But I know for sure that she’ll feed my pretty healthy. I have that to look forward to.

So, I’m at work and can’t write anymore. Hopefully I’ll update on Sunday.

Becky the bully and her new jogging shoes.

On Wednesday I went through some sort of weird mild depression “thing” that I hadn't felt since Middle School. It may have been partly because I wasn’t going to be able to go the midnight showing of Harry Potter premiere, but I think a lot of it was stupid female emotional rationalizing. I was feeling frustrated with the lack of results I was seeing in my body. I’ve read and seen so many cases where people’s clothes start to feel looser, or they lost such and such inches in Blank amount time. I honestly don’t feel any different. If anything, I think I gained weight in the form of more cellulite. I’m not weighing myself, but I can see more cellulite on the back of my thighs. I kept throwing insult after insult to myself and I made myself cry when I went for my jog that night. One of the insults being that no man would find me attractive until I lost 30 pounds. I felt better after I went for the jog...and after I cried at my stupid self.

On Thursday I had absolutely no interest in doing any form of exercise.

On Friday night I saw Harry Potter during my regular exercising time.

On Saturday I ate a lot of carbs. And then went for a 30 minute jog. It was nice. Actually, it felt really great.

On Sunday, I bought some new running shoes. They feel amazing. They are the brand Avia, which I’ve never heard of, and they were $39.99. When I wear them, I feel like my feet are all bundled and swaddled like baby Jesus on Christmas day. However, I had a pretty crappy jog tonight. I jogged for 10 minutes and just had no energy to keep walking. I walked for another 10 minutes. I tried to jog for the last 10 minutes, but I could only jog for about 4 minutes. I think it’s because I didn’t I take an iron pill today. 

Tomorrow I’m planning on jogging with my aunt Tammy down at her place. So, hopefully I’ll have motivation to jog the whole time. 

And my body was stronger than my mind.

For some strange reason I wasn’t that hungry at breakfast. Now, I know a lot of people who are like “Blech, I can’t eat breakfast in the morning or I’ll throw up!” This blows my mind. I’m ALWAYS hungry for breakfast. I mean, you’ve been starving for probably 8 hours. Anyways, I didn’t feel hungry when I woke up. But I ended up eating about 9 strawberries and a cup of coffee. I kept debating with myself that I should eat more, cuz knowing myself I’ll be hungry in an hour... when I won’t have access to a delicious breakfast. I ended up with not eating anything else before work. 

But, I was right. I brought a Pomegranate Odwalla bar to work. That did a pretty good job of tiding me over until lunch. 

For lunch I had a toasted bagel with cream cheese topped with smoked salmon. I also had a peach. it was deeeee-licious! I heart smoked salmon.

At about 3:00 I ate a Special K bar for a snack.

After work, the Bubs had dinner all ready to go when I got in at 5:30. 

It was a pulled beef (I think that’s what you call it...like pulled pork, but with beef...), with baked fries. I was not feeling the salad at all. I know, that I’m suppose to have some green on my plate, but I just didn’t want it. Plus, I don’t like the salad mix my grandma buys. I like more of a spinach base, and the one she buys is more of a romaine lettuce base. 

At 8:13 I started my jog. I told myself that I would stop jogging at 8:45, so that would be 32 minutes. I’m trying to work my way up. And, I was feeling goooood today. I jogged a whole 20 minutes, which I think is just shy of a mile and a half without stopping to walk! I was so proud of myself. I kept telling myself I would stop, but my body was like, “Hell, no, Becky. You got this. Keep going.” It was really awesome. However, one thing I noticed, is that I’m not panting as hard, feeling like I worked as hard when I forced started. Does this mean I’m plateauing? I think tomorrow I will try sprinting after I hit my mile marker. 

This whole jogging journey has been so incredible for me. It’s definitely a very, very slow process, but it’s coming together. I was reading some Facebook notes that I wrote from two summers ago about my exercise habits. And I back then I could only jog for five minutes at a time before I had to stop and walk. I’m just really proud of myself. I jogged almost a mile and a half...about 20 minutes before I had to stop and walk.

Any runners out there?

How do you switch it up so you don’t plateau?

I have nothing interesting to say.

Breakfast: one piece of leftover breakfast casserole from yesterday morning. (contains eggs, potatoes, cheese, onions... and other seasoned goodness), one orange, one cup of coffee with a spot of cream.

Lunch: a delicious turkey and cheese sandwich on wheat with spinach, tomato, purple onions, mayo and mustard, a cup of apple sauce, a handful of pomegranate raisin things....

snack: blueberry special k bar, a granola bar

dinner: piece of steak, mashed potatoes, and a medley of corn, carrots, and peas.

dessert: apple pie and yogurt ice cream.

I didn’t feel like exercising today. 

Gah, I need new running shoes.

Today was a pretty lazy day. I never sleep in, but today I slept in till 10:20. The grandma made some sort of egg casserole thing with onions and cheese on it. It was accompanied by a bagel lightly toasted, a cup of OJ, and a cup of coffee.

I didn’t really get hungry for lunch, which is weird for me. But I ended up eating a leftover cupcake from the shower and a peach. 

At 6:00, my grandparents went down the street to a BBQ, and told me they would bring me back whatever was there for dinner. But I was getting hungry. So I snacked on a handful of kettle chips dipped in hummus and a handful of carrots. Grandma brought me back a plate of food with macaroni salad, a small chicken breast and two small pieces of steak. I knew it was too much food. But I ate it all. 

I was really excited about my jog tonight. Especially with the realization that I can jog a mile. I decided to experiment with my jogging “style”, I tried running, not jogging for a little ways. But I noticed that my legs felt uneven. It felt kinda like I was hopping on one leg and not the other. I had the urge to just hop on the other leg so it would feel even, but I knew that would look absolutely ridiculous. So, I jogged to the mile point, (it took 14 minutes), but my left foot started hurting. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t stretch correctly, I was running instead of jogging, or if I need new shoes. I suspect that I need new jogging shoes. I’m not entirely sure what shinsplints are, but I imagine that this is what it felt like. 

It wasn’t excruciating pain, but I kept thinking “What if I injure myself?” I currently don’t have medical insurance since I graduated from college, so I mostly walked back on the second mile home. I was pretty upset with myself. 

As I write this, I must comment on the soreness of my left butt cheek. 

That is all.