Monday, November 26, 2012

Thanksgiving is so last week.

If there is such a thing as “rural suburbia”, then the small town that I grew up would be the poster child. Not quite small enough that everyone knows each other, and not quite close enough to be the suburbs of a big city.
I went “home” to said hometown for Thanksgiving to spend it with family and friends.
I went for a jog on Thanksgiving morning. Mostly because I believed some sort of delusion that jogging would cancel out my impending Thanksgiving dinner gorge, but mostly because I hadn’t gone for a jog in a really long time.
I’ll save the excuses about daylight savings times affecting the light outside preventing me from jogging in friendly sunlight.
Anyways, my first thought on my Thanksgiving jog was, “Dear God, please don’t let anyone I know see me.”
My next thought was realizing that after only a minute I was like, “I haaaaaaaaaaate this so much! WHYYYYYY?!”
So, there I was jogging and disliking every minute of it and I decided right there and then to talk to the Creator of the Universe.
My prayers were not exempt from the clichés that normally abound on this fine holiday,

I thanked Him for my body.
I thanked Him for a body with two strong legs to get me where I go.
I thanked Him for strong arms.
I thanked Him for a body that could potentially support a child (in like 10 years.)
I thanked Him for great health in a time of no medical insurance.

It was a freeing prayer—an attempt to put a positive spin on the things that I dislike most about my body.
I’ll get there, though.
I like myself the more now than I ever have in my entire life.

It also didn’t hurt that everyone I saw and visited told me how awesome I looked—well in context, the comparison is from six months ago to a year ago.

I hope you’re Thanksgiving was as wonderful as mine was: good food, good family, and good old friends.
This year, my family put all of the Thanksgiving "essentials" into a bowl and we each picked what food item we were in charge of. 
I got the turkey!
You can basically just call me Betty Crocker from now.

I took out the giblets and stuffed that bird with an unnatural amount of carbohydrates. 

Here's my littlest brother Nathan making gravy. 
I was really pulling for him to get turkey. 

Aaron got the green beans. 

Here's the Silva clan minus the instagramming photographer. 

What is it about your body that you are the most thankful for?

Saturday, November 10, 2012

I went down a pants size.

I just got paid yesterday.
Maybe they’ll remember to pay me next time around, too.
But whatever. I kinda like having bragging rights of “My job keeps forgetting to pay me.”
Just kidding.

So, all of my pants look really sad on my body.
So, I went to TJ Maxx (cuz apparently I’m a Maxxinista?).
I was like, “Okay, Becky. The last time you went shopping you tried on a pair of size 14 pants that fit you. Let’s do that again.”
And…they fit.
So, I have OFFICIALLY gone down a pants size!

This was me in the dressing being like "OH, MAH GAWSH!"
I'm not sure why my hand is above my head.

This has taken friggin’ forever, but it’s slowly working.
Genetics are working really hard against me, though.

In other news, I think No-Shave November is hilarious. Even more hilarious is that I like doing it, too.  It’s kinda like this big joke I have with myself. It’s fine. I’m single. You’re whispering to yourself, “That’s why she’s single!”
I’m single cuz I’m pretty annoying.
It’s really hard to go on a first date when you’re participating in No-Shave November.
That may have happened last week.
And he may have never contacted me again, haha.
It’s fine.
I find it more hilarious than anything.
Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me.
Everything is way too funny.
I don’t have time for seriousness.

Fun fact: The best part of being overweight is having a nice rack.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Work Fashion: Part 2

It’s been a hot minute since I last updated.
But, I did remember to take a few pics of a few outfits since the last time I posted.
None of my pants fit very well anymore. It's probably weight loss, but whatever. 
My body fat is surely taken it's time to get the Hell off my body. 

The King of Prussia Mall is a super fancy mall near my work. So, I stopped there hoping to avoid some traffic and find a pair of pants that didn't look granny-licious on me. 
(No offense, dear grandmas.)
I found a super colorful dress on clearance for ten dolllllllars. Holllllla. 
I'm such a sucker for bright, happy things. I'm sure nobody has every noticed that about me.
You can find said dress in Outfit Cuatro below. 
The size 16 pants I tried on didn't fit me.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm officially a size 14 now, but it was super awesome when the size 14 pants still looked a teensy bit loose. 
(Insert rant about how women's clothing needs to have an official standard size across all clothing brands.)

So, that was fun. Enjoy the awkward photos. 

Yeah, I made that myself.
(How is there so much talent in this body?!)

Outfit Uno:
Top Half                          Bottom Half      

I like to call this little outfit Peter Pan...mostly because that's what the video guys were calling me. I can dig it. And, I can't seem to remember where any of this outfit came from. The shoes are from Payless, the belt is thrifted, and the tights are thrifted as well. 

Outfit Dos:

The roomy helped me on this one. 

Cardigan: Thrifted
Dress: Thrifted
Belt: Thrifted
Leggings: Ye olde Wal-Mart
Shoes: Payless
Watermelon Purse: Thrifted

I forgot to warn about all the stupid faces I make when I "pose". 

Outfit Tres
I went shopping yesterday after work and realized I hadn't taken a photo of my outfit. 

Yellow Jacket (haha): Thrifted
Dress: Target
Shoes (that you can't see): Thrifted

I took off my tights, because I had ripped them at work. May they rest in peace. Next paycheck I'm going to stock up on colorful tights.

Outfit Cuatro
I apologize.

Dress: Lane Bryant
Belt: Thrifted
Boots: JC Penny 
Tights: Hanukkah gift

The lighting was so awful in front of my ghetto mirror. So, I attempted to do the ol' photo booth on my Mac: click record and run like Hell to make it in the photo before it takes. 

Bread that I made


Here's a sad looking loaf of bread I made that completely flattened in the bread machine. It kinda looks like a jewelry box I had as a kid.

Questions? Comments? Concerns?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Work Fashion

I forgot that I promised I would do Work Fashion updates.
I haven’t been documenting everyday, but I have taken a few photos of my work outfits.

1) First day of work outfit.

Weird light reflection thing on my face...

Cardigan: Thrifted
Tank Top: Target
Belt: Thrifted
Pants: Belks
Shoes: Thrifted
Face & Body: David and Sherri Silva

2) Outfit

I chose to not show my face so I could be objectified.

Cardigan: Kohls
Dress: Sister (she got it from a yard sale)
Belt: Thrifted
Tights: Thrifted (is that weird?)
Boots: JC Penny
Body: David and Sherri Silva

3) Outfit
Why is my hair so ridiculous?

Cardigan: Kohls
Dress: Thrifted
Belt: Thrifted
Face & Body: David and Sherri Silva

4) Outfit

This is actually my favorite dress that I own.

Dress: Forever 21
Belt: Thrifted
Tights: Wal-Mart
Boots: JC Penny
Face & Body: David and Sherri Silva

What do you think?
Am I assimilating well to corporate adult culture?
Any tips?

Like, I literally have no idea what I’m doing.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

The stocky girl in granny panties.

First off, I want to apologize to the people I passed on Ridge and Main Street.
Apparently I’ve lost more weight than I originally thought.
My jogging pants kept sliding down my butt to reveal my beautifully orange granny panties. I had to pull them up every 45 seconds or so.
One couple I passed on the street decided to stop what they were doing to watch the train wreck waiting to happen.
If that wasn’t clear enough, the train wreck was my pants falling off.

When I left for my wog, (half walking/half jogging), I had a route in mind. And I planned on being gone for 30 minutes.
But I quickly realized that I had a dilemma on my hands.
Dilemma: keep jogging and have my pants fall down in public or don’t jog and be a fat ass.
I decided that due to my mental break down last night, I didn’t want to chance an embarrassing moment to top it off.
So, I ended up walking for about an hour and ten minutes.
It was about 4.76 miles.
And, it was actually really nice.

I finally found the Schuylkill River Trail.
It’s something like a 26 mile bike trail that runs along Philly and north of us.
There were tons of mosaics and paintings along the way.
I liked it.
However, it runs along a nasty looking water thing. I don’t think it’s the actual Schuylkill River. I think it’s probably a canal or something.
But it was gross.
Here’s a picture to prove the grossness.

The poor ducks are swimming in trash. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that walking and jogging are the only things that I can afford at this poverty-licious time in my life. But it sucks, because I don’t get to see the benefits of it for another 5 months.


I realized today that I have pretty muscular thighs.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely overweight.
But I’m more muscular than I thought.
I always thought that fat was the reason I have massively sized thighs.
Come to find out, I’m just a stocky lil thing.
Dang, these Jewish genes are incredibly strong.
It would’ve been nice to get those slender genes from the Gentile side.

But whatever.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Anger: And it ain't righteous.

I’m incredibly thankful and grateful that I have a job.
And a job that is closely related to what I studied.
That’s more than I can say for a lot of people with college degrees in this damn recession.

But, today I’m so mad at God that I could scream.
And the funny thing is that I have absolutely no reason to be mad at God.

I’m angry that my job doesn’t pay for moving costs.
I’m angry that I didn’t start my job until 17 days after I was supposed to.
I’m angry that I’ve become $1,800 in debt for moving out here.
I’m angry that I have to keep borrowing money from my parents for gas money.
I’m angry that I have to mooch food off my roommate.
I’m angry that I haven’t gotten paid yet.
I’m angry that I don’t have a Philly best friend.
I’m angry that nobody touches me—nobody hugs me.
I’m angry that I can’t afford to explore the city.
I’m angry that for the first time since “reaching” adulthood, I really miss my family.
I’m angry that I am listening to emo music as I type this.
And, I’m angry that it’s Friday night, and I’m writing this blog.

None of this really has to do with God at all.
But I’ve decided to blame Him.
We humans like our scapegoats.

And, I know all of my grievances are completely temporary and first worldly on the problem scale.
But writing helps me process things.
And I just moved.
So, I’m allowed to have an emotional breakdown, right?

Any sort of encouragement is desired from my virtual peers.
Just don’t use clichés.
I likes jokes, too.

Monday, September 24, 2012

A teensy bit of an update.

I’ve been incredibly uninspired as of late.
‘Tis one of the reasons I haven’t blogged in a while.
Due to a mix-up with my work, I didn’t end up starting work until September 17th.
(It should’ve been the 4th.)
I didn’t know what to do with myself except sit around and feel sorry for myself.
That seems to be a bit of a trend in my life.

I think I talk about this a lot on here, but my love language is a touch.
It’s awkward to ask people you just met for hugs.
I’m seriously underhugged.
But, I am slowly making friends. I started going to a Bible Study small group with a church in my neighborhood.  Once you go to something like a small group, you can say hi to those people at church on Sunday and not feel weird about it.

The neighborhood I live in is RIDICULOUSLY hilly.
My body seems to completely shut down now that it has to go jog on hills.
Madison was flat when I jogged there.
I won’t embarrass myself by writing how long it took me to “do” two miles.
Just know that it takes a while.

Today actually felt like an awesome jog.
I went as soon as I got home from work.
I had more energy.
Probably because it had been in front of a computer for the past 8 hours and desperately needed to move.

Jogging down hills are great.
Jogging up hills…can kiss my expired aspirin.

Everything will get better.
I just need to remember that God hasn’t forgotten about me, that my identity isn’t in what I’m doing or not doing, and my identity is not my underhugged body.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Emotional Vomit.

Moving to Wisconsin from Georgia a whole year ago was scary.
I didn’t know anybody, and I was worried that I wouldn’t make any friends.
I’m annoying, weird, and try too hard to make people laugh.
Surely everybody would see that.
But moving here was one of the best experiences of my life thus far.
I met incredible people who accepted me as a friend and eased my fears about moving to an unfamiliar place.

I have a hard time expressing how much people mean to me.
It’s awkward and uncomfortable for me, and I’d just rather tell a terrible joke.
I don’t like to be vulnerable.
But I decided that it needed to be done.
Maybe putting it in blog form is cowardly of me.
But I struggle to find words of sentimental truth in person.

So, here are 18 people that have inspired me with their friendships and made me feel loved.
Because of y’all, and many others, I have learned to call Madison my home.
I’m so sorry if this weird.

So, in alphabetical glory:

Abi Zimmer Christian: I was only friends with you because you would feed me good food at your apartment. Just kidding. But, you have really nice food. At Monday morning manuscript studies, I always wanted to be your partner. Trying to figure out what God “really” meant was more fun with you. I don’t remember what the passage was, but I remember we decided that God wanted us to go in the purse making business. You were my favorite lunch companion. I’m glad that I became so convincing at getting you to eat in public. You give great hugs, cuz I can lift you up! I wish I loved poetry so you would like me more. I have so many friendly memories with you: eating carbs with our carbs, thrift store shopping, all the times I invited myself over to your place, drinking good beer with you, instagrammed photos with you, lunch time conversations, and just good conversation in general. You’re beautiful, and you mean so much to me!

Adam and Chrissy Jeske: If I didn’t have y’all, I wouldn’t have anybody to make fun of me when I said things like, “Wow, the snow is thick!” Living with you guys has been a wonderful experience. I’ve learned a lot about adulthood from you guys. Maybe that should be your next book: How to be an adult by Jeske & Jeske. The following chapters would be included: Trivets, What Warm Socks Look Like, Which Parts of the Vegetable Are Supposed to Be Cut and Eaten, and Don’t Boil Water for 30 Minutes. One day I want to be able to cook the kind of dinners that Chrissy does without having to look at any type of recipe. I’ll never forget the day I made your kids cry by cooking improperly cooked Chicken Curry in a Hurry.
Thanks for letting me experiment new recipes to “get the hang” of this cooking thing. Adam, you’re a great car pool buddy… Nushi continues to live because of your persistence. Chrissy, I like that you “do yo’ own thang”, even if that means no knowledge of Pop Culture. It’s a pretty endearing quality.
I’m sorry that I’m so incredibly selfish, but it’s something I’m praying about.
You guys have always done a great job of treating me like one of the family. Like taking me to the county fair to see the barbaric antics of demolition derby, letting me pose in your family portrait with a mustache, letting me convince you to paint your dining room table with chalk paint, occasionally turning the heat on in the winter for my southern bones, and laughing at my stupid jokes. I’m sure there are hundreds of other things that I could say about living with y’all and what I’ve learned from y’all. I hope that maybe you learned a little something from me as well. I’m not sure what…maybe my stay with you could be a grand ol’ object lesson for your children reminiscent of Arrested Development’s one armed guy. “Eat your vegetables kids, or you’ll end up like that girl Becky who was only s’pose to be here for six months…” Oh, and you have wicked smart kids that don’t annoy me all the time. Your family is super fun and love. If I ever have a family, I hope it’s as cool as yours. Maybe I’ll name my first born child Jeske. Or maybe not.

Bethany Horvath: Southern Transplants in the Midwest! That actually sounds like a good blog name… Remember that one time all last winter when we were like, “What’s this white cold stuff?” You get me! I love sitting and talking with you. I love hearing your Southern accent and feeling like I’m home in the South. You have a super cute laugh that makes me want to make you laugh more.  Your excitement about Urbana12 is intoxicating!  I can’t help but be super excited when I hear you talk about it. I can’t wait to volunteer at Urbana and see your hard work in person.

Dan Burnett: After getting over the unapproachable first impression, I’ve discovered you’re actually quite approachable. You’re easy to talk to, and you always make me laugh.  Thanks for feeding me chicken, beer, and more recently MRE food. And thanks for your encouragement and tips with my weight loss journey. I know that you’re all Soldier of the Year and stuff, but I still expect you to send me more tips and tricks in the future for weightloss. Sometimes I think I have you figured out in all your weirdness, and then you’ll surprise me, you esoteric enigma, you! My greatest achievement in life is getting you hooked on Psych. Thank you so much for all that you do for Tuesday night dinners. Don’t let those dinners die!  I’m sorry for emasculating you at the movie theater that one time. (Anybody who was not there and reading this is probably very confused.) You’re incredibly kind and secretly a good person (which I think you try to hide). And I don’t really think you’re a pretentious dick.

David Hui: Asking me to co-write this rom-com screen play with you was one of the most flattering moments of my life. Meeting with you and working on it on a regular basis has kept me sane during my uncreative barista career. I still remember the moment we both came to the same conclusion on how the story would end. I remember we both sat there with really stupid grins on our faces as we decided the fates of Ruth, Aaron, and Rebekah. That twist will inspire America! I often wondered what the other patrons of the coffee shop think when we say things like, “What’s funnier?” and “Now Aaron is black.” “Now Aaron is bi-racial.” Start practicing the autograph you’re going to give to our movie fans. Also, you’re sneaky cool.

Drew Larson: I think it’s funny that we’ve never worked together, but are still friends. That’s the power of friendship! One day I’d like to do a standup comedy routine with you on live television for millions to see. I don’t know if it’s ever been done before, but that’s the great thing about ‘Merica.  You’re probably the most positive person I’ve ever met in my life.  And I can’t help but always be in a good mood whenever you’re around. I love that you laugh at everybody’s jokes regardless of how terrible or great they are. (Insert high school yearbook quote about never changing.)

Ed Hsu: Ed, you make me feel like the most interesting person in the world. You’re genuinely interested in people and their life stories. You ask deep questions that make me have to search myself and find the answers. I always felt incredibly honored when you would visit and stay more than 60s seconds at my cube or at the editors.  You’re my favorite bartender, after Jesus, that is. I wish that I could pack you up and take you to Philly so you could bring alcohol to all the incredible parties I will host in Philly. One of my favorite moments with you was the photo shoot for the faces of a worship leader. It makes me laugh just thinking about you. Your love of Jesus is beautiful. You speak truth. You speak words of encouragement often. And you’re a strange guy, all the more reason that you and I should be friends. One day I will forgive you for dragging me to see the horrible movie Snow White and the Huntsman. I was incredibly honored and happy to see you and Wendy get married. I love you both!

Elizabeth Toman: I think we’re both serious contenders for the Most Kickingest Curves competition. It’s a real thing! I think I first started liking you at the square dancing at the Jeskes. I couldn’t ask for a better par’dner. I thought you were older because you exude maturity and confidence far beyond your years. When I’m with you I can’t help but wish I was as confident as you. You’re one of those people that whatever you say, I’d believe it. Which could be dangerous… I love your sense of humor, and I love that we can be goofy together. Being in the Christmas skit with you was one of my favorite memories at the NSC. I’m still waiting for you to tell me the really story of Christmas over coffee…

Glenn Griffin: Nevermind, I’ll find someone like a Jew.
Just kidding.
Names with alliterations are superior to those that are not. I remember the moment that I realized that you are hilarious. You were on the phone with me while I was in California, and you were coaching me on fund development. I don’t even remember what you said to me, but I remember being like, “dude! He’s a clever dude!” You made me feel so welcome at the NSC, even though I was a lowly intern. You’re really good at acclimating the interns to NSC life. You take time to invest in them. And that’s wonderful. I’m sure others wouldn’t want to deal with some insecure snot-nosed recent college graduate. But, when I was super insecure about being on the team, you helped me to feel like I really belonged. And I thank you for that. I love epically losing to you in Words with Friends. I also like playing “spot the excessive apostrophe” game with you. Grammar is a forgotten art. And you, sir, are the master of it. Hands down, the best part of the day at the NSC was getting anecdotes from you at your cube. It was even better when you’d come to my cube…I honestly love being interrupted. It’s the extrovert in me. I appreciate the hours you sat with me on that dang Urbana video offering feedback, even though you hate that packing scene. You’re welcome for the Jew jokes. May you constantly live in a puddle of God!

Grete Bauder: My first impressions of you were that you were so cool and sassy that you wouldn’t want to be friends with me, and I was nervous about pursuing a friendship with you. So, I volunteered to help you move. And then I discovered that you’re SUPER friendly (and still sassy)! I feel that you value deeply connecting to people and not having superficial fluffy relationships. That’s what I like about you.  And you make me laugh.  And your artwork never ceases to impress me. Your fashion sense is insane (in a good way). I love that we both NEED hugs and snuggling from each other! You will always have a snuggling companion in me!

Katie Smies: I remember the first time I met you. I was like, “She’s quiet. I don’t foresee us being that close.” I was suuuuuper wrong. And then I was nervous to ask for your phone number. I’m thankful that you and I were in the same City Group, even though you wanted to be in that other one. I love drinking wine and eating chocolate things with you.  Actually, I think most of our adventures revolve around food—sweet foods. And THAT is the greatest. They also revolve around us trying to figure out the XY chromosome. (We’re no way close to having their secrets unlocked.) You inspire me with your classical taste in clothing and your ability to match. You give GREAT hugs, and I’m not just saying that because you converted your hug style for me. You’re probably the person I feel the closest to in Madison. You’re so wonderful and a delight to hang with! The adventures of Kate and Bex don’t end because I’m moving. Also, I owe you $4 for the spicy cheese bread we shared...

Laura Li: You inspire me with your sense of order and organizational skills. I can’t imagine how much easier my life would be easier if I had a teensy bit of your skills. I’m so sorry for annoying you in the Graphics Room with singing and dancing and hiccupping. I love Disnerd nights (when I could make it).  And I love that one of your favorite Disney movies is Mulan like me! I feel incredibly accomplished whenever I can make you laugh. (I give myself mental high fives.) I only regret that we didn’t spend more time together one-on-one as opposed to in larger group.  You’re so darn creative! I can’t wait to see what’s next in blogdom for you.

Laura Strasser: I wasn’t sure if I liked you your first week at IV. But I decided that I did after you were a wonderfully kind person when you took care of me after I became hallucinogenetically ill at Greek Conference. (Don’t google hallucinogenetically. It may not be a real word.) I think we are kindred spirits with our more “liberal” beliefs on the Christian faith and how that looks in modern society. It’s encouraging to find other people who think like me and know how to properly use profanity. Also, I love that we are both weirded out by kids. I bet God is going to punish us with 8 children each. Dancing and singing karaoke together at the wedding was suuuuper fun! Also, I’m still waiting to hear your album. Holla’ at me when it’s out, and I’ll buy it.  Remember to just keep on dancing!

Lynde Hobbs: You are super woman to me. You cook and share gourmet food with people you love. You love parties and planning them.  You love children. You love all people. You’re the ultimate princess in my book. I’ve never in my life seen you mad or sad.  In everything you literally give glory back to God. I think that oftentimes when I hear other Christians talk about being blessed, it often comes across as tacky and fake. But you’re the real deal. And I love it! Some Southern man gonna make a real fine trophy wife outta you one day! ;p

Matt Kirk: Master Kirk…Captain Kirk…You’re the best darn sensei a production padawan could ask for. I know now that refusing to feed me on my first shoot with 2100 was just part of my training to be a better filmmaker. I’ve probably asked you the stupidest questions an intern could ever ask, and you’ve always answered them graciously by pretending my questions weren’t dumb. (I swear I have a learning disorder or something.) Thanks so much for the countless times I asked you to watch and give feedback on all of the videos I worked on. Thanks for all the photos you’ve taken of me that have become Facebook profile pics. I will always appreciate and remember you creeping over my computer screen from your desk. Your sense of humor is a bit weird, but I respect that and realize that it’s still funny. Thanks to you and Sarah for your hospitality with Tuesday night dinners and my birthday dinner. I’m suuuuuuper excited that you and Sarah are parents. I look forward to seeing all the pictures of Emma growing up on Facebook.

Vicki & Kylene—Or, should I say Vylene or Kicky? I don’t know if it’s offensive or not to consider you two a single entity, but you often come up in my brain like that. Matt Kirk asked me what sort of wisdom I would pass on to new people at the NSC. I told him that the best advice I could give would be to become friends with the two of you. You two throw the best parties, Oscar Party, Corn maze and pumpkin picking party, Halloween Party, Christmas tree lighting party, Glee season finale party, and others that I can’t think of. I always felt so welcomed by the two of you my first few months at the NSC and in Wisconsin. You guys should be the NSC welcoming committee. Y’all are such a blast!

I hope that none of that was too painful.
You all are so incredibly wonderful, and I love you all.
So, don’t go all Gotye on me and be “somebody that I used to know”.

“I thank my God every time that I remember you.”
Philippians 1:3


Katie made me this beautiful mug and had some of our friends sign it for me!

Monday, August 27, 2012

Middle aged men won't leave me alone at the gym.

The past two times I’ve worked out at the Princeton Club I’ve been hit on by middle aged men.
The first time I was jogging around the track and this guy in terribly maintained dreads kept hollering at me.
I pretended I couldn’t hear.
I mean, I was jogging.
Did he honest to God think I was going to stop jogging and talk to him?
Then, I forgot about him and started walking around the track to cool down, 
He then tried to holla at me again.
I responded with “Hey,” and continued my lap.
And avoided the side of the gym he was on.

Tonight, a middle aged man who hardly spoke English approached me while I was stretching after my workout.
He wanted to know my expert opinion on how to work out, because it was his first day at the club.
I made the mistake of telling him I could speak Spanish.
He then fell in love with me.
He told me he was a mechanic without a car.
And he asked when I worked out next.
I told him it was different everyday.
He said he’d remember me and give me his card next time he saw me.
I shook his hand and booked it out there.

I really, really, really hate talking to anybody when I’m at the gym.
Especially men.
Especially middle-aged men.
I could possibly make an exception for a twenty-something attractive fellow, but let’s face it. That ain’t gonna happen.

Maybe I should stop wearing leggings as pants when I work out…

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

"Seriously, how does she not know how to dress herself?"

I wrote a post before about plus size fashion blogs.
I’m still incredibly obsessed with them.
I don’t go a day where I don’t look at them.
It's so weird that I'm only recently discovering that you can look beautiful and fashionable as a plus size woman.
It's inspiring.

I’m still trying to figure out exactly what my fashion style is.
Every so often I’ll text my sister pictures of an outfit and ask her if they look okay.
I think she's annoyed by it.

Starting September, I’ll have to dress all professional and cute at my new job in Philly. This seems like a perfect time and place to try to figure out what my style really is. 
So, I’ve decided to add a new “what I’m wearing” feature to my blog.

The challenge: dress cute and look professional.

It’ll be weird.
I think those types of posts requires a certain amount of vanity that I’m not entirely sure that I have.
At least for the start of this feature, I’ll only have the camera on my iPhone.
There will be a lot of annoying phone in mirror shots.

I hope the new feature will inspire others as much as I’m inspired by others who post their clothing.

I’ll officially start these posts in September.
But I was so excited by my new summer dress I got at Goodwill the other day that I decided to post this one.

Here’s what I know I like:

  • Dresses
  • Bright colors
  • Bright patterns
  • Earrings
  • Thrift store clothing

Let’s see if I can figure out this whole style thing.

Peace and Blessings.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Biking, TV, and Life

I don’t understand how or why I’m such an awful biker.
I was under the impression that it really didn’t take a whole lot of talent to stay upright on two wheels while moving forward.
But apparently it does.
When I was going to school in Athens, I used to bike a mile-ish to class. But there was the most giant hill at the end. So I would get off my bike and walk it up.
That is the extent of my biking in college.
Oh, yeah. And I hit an old man with my bike….
I don’t want to talk about it, though.
Anyways, I’ve been on two biking adventures twice this week.
Both times left my legs feeling tight, as if I had just lost ten pounds and gained it all back in muscle.
And my bum felt super sore.
I just don’t understand why people love this.
However, biking down hills, especially incredibly big ones, kinda makes it worthwhile…I must admit.

This has been a weird month for me.
I’ve been watching a TON of television.
I never do that.
Especially cuz we don’t even own a television.
It’s been a ridiculous amount of Netflix for me.
So much so that I don’t want to be outside and exercise.
I just want to get through the season of a show.
Sometimes several seasons in a day.
I’ve become one of those statistics on stereotypical fat Americans.
I think I’ve been lonely.
I’ve had way too much free time and not a lot of people to spend my time with.
I’m kinda in this weird in-between place where I’m about to move and my mind is on that, but I’m still here (in Madison).
I guess I need to practice living in the present.

Anyways, I was worried that I had gained all the weight I lost back.
But, I didn’t.
Which means, I could still lose more weight if I daily exercised.
Hence, above bike rides.
I’ve also been jogging this week, too.
But that’s not interesting.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

But, whatever.

I do not know the difference between hiking and just plain walking in nature.
When I was younger I thought that hiking meant walking up a mountain at a 90-degree angle with a backpack and a walking stick.

But then, when I was 16, my grandma visited us.
She made us go for a “hike”.
But our “hike” was just a walk through woods in the lower coastal flat plains of Southeast Georgia.
So, I’m still confused.

But, it’s too hot to jog outside.
The weather is 100% comparable to Southeast Georgia.
Humidity and all.
I went for a jog the other day and could only jog for about 7 minutes before I had to stop and walk.
It was miserable and embarrassing.
But apparently, I can stand to go for 50 minutes walks along the same trails.
Excuse me, a hike…
I try to make sure my pace is faster than a leisurely walk.
Yeah, I have no desire to go into any more detail about the jog.
But, whatever.

I’ve lost another 2 pounds.
17 pounds in total.
So, that’s exciting.
I am surprised, though, that I’m still a size 16.
I must’ve had more fat packed in my body than I originally thought.
When I was 200 pounds I thought for sure I’d look a lot different at 17 pounds lighter.
The most significant changes in my body are that I have rock hard calves and shins.
Which is weird, cuz the attached thighs are blobs of fat.
But, whatever.

Immediate goal: lose 3 pounds by the time I move to Philly.
That’s five weeks.
And will be 20 pounds lost.

But, whatever.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Shorts and Instagram

Summer 2012 is monumental for me.
It’s the first summer that I’ve ever worn shorts publicly…since I was 12.
Well, non-bermuda-type shorts.
Going anywhere in the summer, people would be like, “Why are you wearing pants?”
Which is sort of a silly question.
And I think it’s weird to be like, “Oh, I’m plus size,” because obviously they can see that.
So, as I stand there with the sweat dripping down my brow and back, I usually just shrug my shoulders and change the subject.
Super awkward.
Now, I wear shorts in public.
People get to see how pasty I really am.
I used to think that I would wear shorts when the cellulite disappeared.
But, I’m pretty sure cellulite is on every female who is not a celebrity, or who is rich enough to nuke that crap with millions of dollars.
So, yeah. I’m wearing shorts.
I wanted to post a super cool picture of myself in shorts, but I thought it would be weird to ask the Jeskes to take a picture of me.
So, then I was like, I’ll take a “super cool” artsy instagrammed picture of myself.
But all the shots were super awkward.

Then I decided to do a mirror pic. All the kids are doing it these days. Pretend like I don't have a weird light thing coming out of my hand. Also, pretend that I don't have a messy room.

The other day, I decided to do something uncharacteristic of myself.
I went for an hour long walk by the lake.
It was nice.
I don’t usually enjoy nature by myself.
Or being by myself for long periods of time.
But I was able to do some praying.
And work up a sweat at the same time.
It felt good.
Spiritually and Physically.
Two birds. One stone.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Girl, I'm big boned.

Dear Readers, 
I asked Jennifer to guest blog for me because she's been a loyal follower of my blog since the beginning. And she's on her own lifestyle changing Adventure. 
Show her some Love!

On Halloween 2011, I started my journey to a healthier lifestyle. 
Spooky, I know & oh so tempting with all those Tootsie Rolls.

There is a chair under me. Sadly I cannot float. 

I decided to start losing weight & making healthier lifestyle choices.

I learned the SECRET to weightloss! Eat less than you burn! What? Yes, that simple. Find something that drives your motivation, blogs, vacations, pinterest, fashion, children, etc. My motivation in October because of a family trip in January to Disney. I was petrified of having to use the dreaded extendable seat belt for rides or worse have to wait for everyone because I wouldn't fit in the ride. Fear motivated me. After the trip, I was motivated by adding my own progress pics like the ones I see on Reddit to be able to motivate other people. 

As you might be able to see below, I lost some weight. I lost about 30lbs at this point. I was wearing a shirt that I was wearing before I lost weight though so the photo doesn't show well how much I lost. 

I was cutting my portions to the actual portion on the side of the container & started counting calories. (Little did I know I was eating more than one serving of just about everything I was eating.) In May, I started eating organic since the number of chemicals on my veggies was alarming and the amount of antibiotics that are used in poultry when the animals aren't even sick was disturbing. This also helped me because eating out was no longer and option and neither was soda. It put me in a mindset that fast food grossed me out vs it wasn't good for my body. I'm not saying that someone can't lose weight while eating out, but I find it more satisfying to eat at home. 

I started counting my steps and would go for a walk if I didn't meet 10,000 steps. Later on, I started doing Couch to 5k.

Tracking where I was before I started making changes was a big eye opener to see how sedentary my life was and how many calories I was burning vs consuming. Simple math. It's no wonder I was gaining weight.

I took these steps to a healthier me, but not because I didn't think I was pretty. I was actually happy with who I was and what my body looked like, but not with how I was treating my body.

I saw myself as a beautiful person, inside and out, but I felt unHEALTHY. Not unpretty. 

I saw images that made me think being unhealthy was ok and was who I was. 

NEWFLASH: No one that's 5'6" is suppose to be bordering 300lbs. Being out of breath from walking into work from the parking lot is NOT ok. 

Now that I have lost 45lbs, I see these images and they annoy me.

The Work bathroom is one of my favorite places to take progress pics. 
Mainly because of the full length mirror. 

I feel like I was making excuses and images like this fed into my poor habits.

What images or thoughts feed/fed your bad habits? 

BIO: Jennifer likes long talks with old friends, long walks on the beach, long sleeve t-shirts, and long 80s songs. She is on a journey to making healthier choices despite her sedentary job and love for ice cream. She also dreams of one day being as clever and funny as Becky. 

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Part 4 of 4.

Part 4: On Faith

You’re going to have an identity crises your whole life because you’re kinda Jewish, but kinda not, and you like Jesus.
This still confuses me and most everyone else too.

If I could sum up my journey of faith into a sentence that you’d totally relate with, I’d say, “God is bigger than the boogey man.” But really.
You’re going to have all these ideas and plans on how you think your life will work, but God has a cooler, bigger plan that’ll blow your mind.
Don’t stick God in a box.
He’s bigger than what Republicans think of Him.
He’s bigger than what your conservative evangelical upbringing told you about Him.
And His grace is sufficient for you.

You’re going to think that God has forgotten about you.
You may even get mad at Him a lot.
But He’s still loving you.
And sending the Holy Spirit to guide you.
You just have to listen.

Finally, know why you believe what you believe.
Don’t take anybody else’s word for it.
Question Tradition.
But most of all, Love people.
Love people like Jesus loves people.

Little Becky,
You’re probably left feeling more confused than ever. I mean you are only six. But I like to think that in a world where I can write you a letter and you can read it, that you’d understand everything perfectly.
So remember,
Everything will be just fine.


Part 3 of 4.

Part 3: On boys

You’ll never learn how to read boys.
I’m really sorry.
But, the Friendzone and you will become best friends.
The friendzone is a magical place that all the cute guys you like put you in.
They want you around cuz you generally make them laugh, but that’s all they want from you.
You’ll become a better, funnier person because of this.

Part 2 of 4 (letter to little Becky)

Part Two: On growing up

Unfortunately, being the oldest you’ll always be a guinea pig. The parents will try out a new rule or new parental teaching tactic on you to figure out if it “works”. If it doesn’t “work”, they’ll shrug their shoulders and make necessary adjustments for the next kid.  Your parents are going to be really, really annoyingly protective and conservative.
You’ll resent them.
This is normal. Most teenagers resent their parents at some point.
Your parents have really great intentions, though.
You’ll laugh about it one day.
Your three younger siblings are going to have different parents than you did. You’re going to be mad about it.  But then you’ll realize you can use your influence as an adult to make sure your siblings don’t have annoying parents.
Your siblings will never thank for being the oldest or for looking out for them.

You’re going to start making movies when you’re eight.
I think the first one is an exercise video.
(You should take your own advice that you’re giving in that video. Just saying.)
You’re going to love making movies.
You’ll be doing that forever.

Now here’s something I want to really prepare you for: Middle School.
Middle School is stupid.
Everybody has these really crazy, weird changes to their bodies.
Everybody looks stupid and awkward, but everybody is too busy thinking about how stupid and awkward their own bodies are to realize how stupid and awkward your body is.
Regardless, you’re going to be the first one out of all your friends to go through puberty. But you’re going to think that your new boobs, size 6 adult hips, and inability to shop in the children’s section means you’re fat and overweight.
This is not true, Becky. 
Like really, take my word for it.
You’re going to think that all the cheerleaders are pretty and popular.
It’s true, but you’re going to try out for cheerleading not once, but twice.
And, I’m sorry to say you won’t make it both times.
But you do look good in those Soffe shorts.
You’re going to get bullied by this girl.
She makes fun of you because your mom buys your clothes at Wal-Mart.
She’s just a bitch and will drop out of high school in 9th grade.
It’s going to feel like a big deal, and you’re going to cry.
It’s okay.
You’ll have your own money one day, and you can shop wherever the hell you want.
(Also, when you’re an adult you’ll say things like “Bitch” and “Hell” when appropriate.)
You’re going to start taking private voice lessons in Middle School.
This changes your life, because you love showtunes now.

Unfortunately, you won’t be pretty until you’re 17. Even then, you’re just better looking then you were in Middle School. But, you’ll be funny.  And people will like you.
You’re going to get picked last in gym class every time, don’t worry about it. They can’t help it. The order goes cool athletic black guys, athletic white guys, pretty girls, and then you. But it’s okay.
Seriously, it’s not a big deal.
You’re going to want to eat carbohydrates all day long.
I may be able to save you about 20 pounds of weight gain in high school if you remember to stop eating all the carbs.
And go running.
You kinda enjoy it when you’re my age.
Please, start running in high school.

You’re going to be the coolest when you’re a senior in high school.
You’ll be on student council, you’re going to escort cute buys at the Hot and Spicy Pageant, you’ll be in Beta Club, Spanish Club, Chorus, Chorus President, you’ll have a lead in Footloose, you’ll be in the elite singing ensemble Volume One, and you’ll be voted Most Original by your class. 
You’re going to make a ton of movies for your classes that are “super awesome” and funny.
And you’re going to graduate from high school.
This is going to feel like the biggest thing that has ever happened to you.
But, your life isn’t a Glee episode.
Your life will change very much after high school.
So, don’t live in the past.
Make new friends.
Enjoy college, like a boss.
Learn to study well.

You’ll do a lot of growing up in college. But this letter is just to get you through the tough years, when you’re super insecure and pretending not to be.